For the first time,
I’m happy.
(Hello-Hiii! Notice anything new?👀
What do we think about the voiceover? Took me long enough to figure it out but I’m happy I did. I started sharing similar videos on my personal Instagram & had been trying to see if I could do the same with the newsletter & then, I stumbled on a creator’s Substack with just what I needed thankfully. I tried so hard to get this out before the 1st but who knew editing audio was more intense than video, omg! Being on a time crunch made it such a sport but it’s finally out so, Happy New Month, I guess? A win is a win🤭) Happy Reading or Listening or both, whatever your vibe is✨
It’s been long you saw me but I decided that another month was not going pass before I let you in on how I’ve been. Before I shared how happy & optimistic I’ve been feeling cause I share everything with you. At least, most things. The important things.
I’ve shared a couple things that reflect where I’ve been to an extent & honestly, my mind has done a whole 360 since the last time you heard from me.
The immense joy, peace & wholeness I’ve been feeling is not something I think I’m capable of putting into words but I pray it brings some light your way, however I’m able put it.
August & September have been a breeze but have made the most impact this year. In my head, I’m still in August. I attended the Whole Hearted Girl Camp in August, a lot was said in that room. Many conversations leading to something that feels almost like a rebirth? Most importantly, a lot was taken away from that room. I loved August. Sometimes, I wish I could just be in August, again.
The Whole Hearted Girl Camp was nothing short of amazing but I also started counting my blessings more in August. It started with when I texted Banke saying I needed help with my CV & she was very very quick to help me with it & follow up with everything I needed. I was going to write about it in August but I couldn’t really find the words to express how I felt about that action.
Thinking about it now, I think in the midst of my “grief” , it was just shocking for me to see someone come through for me in a way I would have done for them but just didn’t expect them to do for me & while that’s great, it should be normal because the assurance of reciprocation (or initial action) where capable is what guarantees one of a relationship, to whatever extent.
It made me realize how sad I’ve been, how badly I had been dwelling on failed relationships that I had now started slowly ignoring the ones I had & reducing the expectations I had of everyone. I thought about how kind Banke was to me & I thought about how many more people like Banke I had in my life & the things they do on a daily basis that I am not even capable of reciprocating & make me want to be a better friend.
I counted Banke & ended up counting many other people & it prompted me to count other good things as well & since then, I’ve been on cloud 9. From people to things to experiences that I want out of life.
I went on my finsta where I’ve been posting on since about 2020 & while some of the things & people I love are no longer in my life or even alive, I realized I was living many many answered prayers & even while I have many more things I’m hoping for, it’s given me a new found appreciation for the things I have now.
These past months alone, I’ve seen some of my lifelong dreams come to pass in the lives of other people. Some, in their early twenties like me, some in their late twenties & one other person, in their fifties & what before used to breed a feeling of jealousy has now become a strong reminder that regardless of how long it might seem, every single day, I could only be one sleep away from a lifelong dream coming to pass.
It’s a testament of how far I’ve come because I used to be jealous & sad over what others have going on in their lives & I didn’t. One thought I’ve been sitting with is that despite however long it took for the dreams of each of these people to become a reality, they didn’t stop chasing it or let fear hold them back otherwise, they wouldn’t be here today. So, while I have things I’m still hoping for, I’m really really happy with where I am. I’m not sad, I’m not bored because when I get bored, I get sad & I’m not sad when I think about things that have happened. I don’t have grudges towards anyone & I don’t have regrets either. I’m waiting while enjoying what I have now. I’m not waiting with anxiety because I know it will come.
It’s still so insane that a dream that took one person 1-4 years in their twenties took another person 5 whole decades & is something that I’m still looking forward to in my own early twenties, with no prospect on how or when this dream would become a reality.
Instead of sulking about how someone in my age bracket is now living same dream I have, the fact that it took someone else 5 decades made me think about how many of the things I have now that’s it’s taken many other people so long to get to regardless of how long or how hard they might’ve been trying to get to this point.
It’s unfair to me, good for others & good for me, unfair to others in so many cases & I don’t take it with levity because I think about how long it’s taken me to be in this headspace & to be able to do the things I’m able to do now & think about people that are not able to do the same, yet.
In the same year I thought I’d not be able to make friends or survive on my own, I’ve made the happiest of memories. I’ve consciously bonded with people in ways I didn’t know I could. I’ve met the most people I’ve ever met in less than a year & it’s nothing short of a miracle how all of these happened.
I’m not worried about what’s next or not. My service year is ending in a week’s time. I’m at peace with every loss I’ve encountered, the things I have. I feel whole & genuinely at peace knowing that I can indeed, do anything & that whatever is for me will not pass me by because God’s words will not go back to Him void.
For the first time, I’m not carrying dead weight on my shoulders, or sulking about all the things that are not going as I’d want them.
For the first time, I’m happy.
I hope everyone gets to experience a joy that’s as pure & even purer & is not dependent on the actions or inactions of other people or things within or beyond your control. I hope you’re able to testify to a love that you don’t have to doubt or constantly prove you’re deserving of receiving.
Softest kisses for your stitches,
Adunnikanbai 💙
Thank you for reading Dear Future Successful Self, !
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So proud of you and how far you have grown. And congratulations on your service year. Corper Weeee🥳🥳❤️